A man is walking home alone late one foggy Halloween night, when behind him he hears:
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.
FASTER...
FASTER..
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP......
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping.
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP....
clappity-BUMP...
on his heels, as the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, he locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...
and,
(hopefully you're ready for this!!!)
The coffin stops
Monday, October 31, 2011
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Proofreading Is A Dying Art
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.
-----------------------
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Really? Ya think?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!
-----------------------------------------------------------
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
---------------------------------------------------------------
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing lazy so-and-so's!
------------------------------------------------------
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
----------------------------------------------------------
War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
----------------------------------------------------------------
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!
-----------------------
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
----------------------------------------------------------------
Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
----------------------------------------------------------
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
----------------------------------------------
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?!
-----------------------------------------------
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!
---------------- ---------------------------------
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
****************************************
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
***************************************************
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
************************************ *******
And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.
-----------------------
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Really? Ya think?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!
-----------------------------------------------------------
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
---------------------------------------------------------------
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing lazy so-and-so's!
------------------------------------------------------
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
----------------------------------------------------------
War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
----------------------------------------------------------------
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!
-----------------------
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
----------------------------------------------------------------
Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
----------------------------------------------------------
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
----------------------------------------------
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?!
-----------------------------------------------
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!
---------------- ---------------------------------
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
****************************************
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
***************************************************
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
************************************ *******
And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?
Friday, October 14, 2011
New Family Member
"We could call him Titan like his previous owner did. No wait, let's call him Sam. Nah, I know, let's name him Bart."
(Pretend there is a photo of Bart the puppy here) I know, I suck at pictures.
We adopted him on October 4th. He had his ten week shot and nose drops this past Wednesday. He's a black and tan German Shepherd, the runt of his litter and seems to be wicked smart, or maybe it's just that I haven't had a puppy in eight years. He's only had three peeing accidents inside. I managed to catch him in the act every time and hustle him outside (once while he continued to pee down my leg as I carried him - oh joy) It's been over a week since he's had an accident and this morning I caught him pawing at the door to go out. He has mega-esophagus, just like our older dog, so had been returned to the breeder by his first buyer. He doesn't have it nearly as severely and the only time it seems to bother him is if we feed him dry food - no more puppy milk bones - or if he drinks too much water too fast. He does get spectacularly carsick, however, as the passenger seat in my truck can attest. Hopefully he will outgrow that.
Had an amazing lesson on Monday. It started out kind of crappy as I was super stiff and could barely lift my leg to the stirrup (from the mounting block!) It gradually got better as we warmed up. Late in the lesson my trainer kept having to remind me to keep my right shoulder back. I held the reins in my left hand and placed my right arm in the center of my back. Magic! The mare and I were totally in sync. She had a nice, extended trot and I was on the correct diagonal for once. The trainer was going to keep us going until we messed up but she finally conceded that it seemed like we could go on like that forever. She had us stop in the middle of the arena - nice square halt - where we talked for a while. Then she gave me the option of stopping on that high note or seeing if we could do it again. I decided to quit while I was ahead.
I came across this site while dinking around on the computer this morning. It's the journey of some guy who has always been super healthy and fit deliberately not exercising and eating junk food for six months. After that time he will share how he gets back into shape. It is helping him to identify with those of us who may not make the best lifestyle choices. I've only read a few entries but I like what I've seen so far.
A breeze kicked up last night and knocked the remaining leaves off the tree. This, of course, was after I raked yesterday. Just when I thought I was done with yard work.
I will see if I can't get a puppy picture to post. My husband's taken a few with his iPod but they are very poor quality. I know we have a camera around here somewhere...
(Pretend there is a photo of Bart the puppy here) I know, I suck at pictures.
We adopted him on October 4th. He had his ten week shot and nose drops this past Wednesday. He's a black and tan German Shepherd, the runt of his litter and seems to be wicked smart, or maybe it's just that I haven't had a puppy in eight years. He's only had three peeing accidents inside. I managed to catch him in the act every time and hustle him outside (once while he continued to pee down my leg as I carried him - oh joy) It's been over a week since he's had an accident and this morning I caught him pawing at the door to go out. He has mega-esophagus, just like our older dog, so had been returned to the breeder by his first buyer. He doesn't have it nearly as severely and the only time it seems to bother him is if we feed him dry food - no more puppy milk bones - or if he drinks too much water too fast. He does get spectacularly carsick, however, as the passenger seat in my truck can attest. Hopefully he will outgrow that.
Had an amazing lesson on Monday. It started out kind of crappy as I was super stiff and could barely lift my leg to the stirrup (from the mounting block!) It gradually got better as we warmed up. Late in the lesson my trainer kept having to remind me to keep my right shoulder back. I held the reins in my left hand and placed my right arm in the center of my back. Magic! The mare and I were totally in sync. She had a nice, extended trot and I was on the correct diagonal for once. The trainer was going to keep us going until we messed up but she finally conceded that it seemed like we could go on like that forever. She had us stop in the middle of the arena - nice square halt - where we talked for a while. Then she gave me the option of stopping on that high note or seeing if we could do it again. I decided to quit while I was ahead.
I came across this site while dinking around on the computer this morning. It's the journey of some guy who has always been super healthy and fit deliberately not exercising and eating junk food for six months. After that time he will share how he gets back into shape. It is helping him to identify with those of us who may not make the best lifestyle choices. I've only read a few entries but I like what I've seen so far.
A breeze kicked up last night and knocked the remaining leaves off the tree. This, of course, was after I raked yesterday. Just when I thought I was done with yard work.
I will see if I can't get a puppy picture to post. My husband's taken a few with his iPod but they are very poor quality. I know we have a camera around here somewhere...
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
28 Degrees
Frost on the pumpkin, indeed.
I failed to mention the "termination dust" on the mountains last week. Snow starts appearing at the higher elevations and gradually creeps down until it reaches us. Hope the rest of the leaves hurry and fall off the trees. I hate it when it snows before they're all down - makes spring clean-up so much messier. Maybe I'll trim back my neglected perennial bed today. It's an overgrown mess.
I'm trying to keep myself from calling the realtor to look at houses. It's totally impractical right now but I'm so curious as to what they look like in reality. I'm happy being a tire kicker but I don't want to waste his time.
I failed to mention the "termination dust" on the mountains last week. Snow starts appearing at the higher elevations and gradually creeps down until it reaches us. Hope the rest of the leaves hurry and fall off the trees. I hate it when it snows before they're all down - makes spring clean-up so much messier. Maybe I'll trim back my neglected perennial bed today. It's an overgrown mess.
I'm trying to keep myself from calling the realtor to look at houses. It's totally impractical right now but I'm so curious as to what they look like in reality. I'm happy being a tire kicker but I don't want to waste his time.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Saturday
The motorcycle was missing from the garage when I got home from my riding lesson. Seems my husband decided to take advantage of the dry weather and rode down the highway overlooking Cook Inlet. He met a group of Christian bikers that he rode back to Anchorage with.
When he got home he said he'd sent me a bunch of e-mails about puppies for sale. He is very interested in a nine week old female German Shepherd and wasn't very happy when I said I wanted another male. We've had two females over the years and I just don't find them as affectionate as the boys. He really wants to take a look at her. I said, "Fine, go look. Just don't bring her home." Impasse.
Saw a newly listed house yesterday that seems too good to be true. Excellent price, decent location and seems to have all the bells and whistles we're looking for. Of course I find it after I finally booked a flight to California. I usually go down in late October. This year I kept putting off making reservations. I've decided to go down for Thanksgiving. This will be the first time since 1974 that I've spent it with my family. I've never been to Bates Nut Farm so we're planning to go there; there will be a huge craft show at Del Mar, along with some kind of Christmas light show at night featuring over 400 displays. It costs $14 a carload but I'm pretty sure it's worth it. My husband and I have tried to view Anchorage's best lit homes in the past but that usually ends up in an argument over the best way to get from Point A to Point B. Del Mar will also be hosting a "Jingle Bells" horse show which I may or may not insist upon attending one of the days.
Oh, the point I was going to make is that it wouldn't be very wise to go on vacation while in the middle of either negotiating for a house or actually moving. I haven't decided whether to show the listing to my husband or not. It's a cute house; reminds me of the one on "Leave It To Beaver," although when I actually Googled a picture of that house it's not that similar.
As predicted, we've raked leaves twice this week. We did it yesterday and you'd never know it looking at the lawn today.
May go up to the barn today and/or tomorrow as my trainer smashed her fingers in one of the doors and might have broken some fingers. I'd like to help out if needed, although I've noticed that there are a lot more people there on weekends than during the week.
When he got home he said he'd sent me a bunch of e-mails about puppies for sale. He is very interested in a nine week old female German Shepherd and wasn't very happy when I said I wanted another male. We've had two females over the years and I just don't find them as affectionate as the boys. He really wants to take a look at her. I said, "Fine, go look. Just don't bring her home." Impasse.
Saw a newly listed house yesterday that seems too good to be true. Excellent price, decent location and seems to have all the bells and whistles we're looking for. Of course I find it after I finally booked a flight to California. I usually go down in late October. This year I kept putting off making reservations. I've decided to go down for Thanksgiving. This will be the first time since 1974 that I've spent it with my family. I've never been to Bates Nut Farm so we're planning to go there; there will be a huge craft show at Del Mar, along with some kind of Christmas light show at night featuring over 400 displays. It costs $14 a carload but I'm pretty sure it's worth it. My husband and I have tried to view Anchorage's best lit homes in the past but that usually ends up in an argument over the best way to get from Point A to Point B. Del Mar will also be hosting a "Jingle Bells" horse show which I may or may not insist upon attending one of the days.
Oh, the point I was going to make is that it wouldn't be very wise to go on vacation while in the middle of either negotiating for a house or actually moving. I haven't decided whether to show the listing to my husband or not. It's a cute house; reminds me of the one on "Leave It To Beaver," although when I actually Googled a picture of that house it's not that similar.
As predicted, we've raked leaves twice this week. We did it yesterday and you'd never know it looking at the lawn today.
May go up to the barn today and/or tomorrow as my trainer smashed her fingers in one of the doors and might have broken some fingers. I'd like to help out if needed, although I've noticed that there are a lot more people there on weekends than during the week.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Argh!
Decided to order an Elmo DVD for the kid's birthday since she, like every toddler I've known since he was created, seems entranced by him. Of course, then how could I resist adding three books for myself? Curse you, Amazon, and your free shipping for orders over $25.00!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
